|
|
Biggest Disappointments
Usually sequels fall into this category, but there are a few that
I was expecting a whole lot more.
- Jurassic Park
 I
know that nobody agrees with me on this one, but if a movie studio
is going to cash in on a best-selling book and use the "from the
award winning book" material in its advertisements, it should
try and grab the most important plot points from the book. For
instance, the dinosaurs' instinct to migrate off the island (which
is the biggest threat in the book).
Overall, its not like I absolutely hated the movie, but I
sometimes wonder how Spielberg retains his "heavyweight" title
when he uses devices like "dismembered hanging arms" to try
for a cheap scare. It shuts off the ability to identify with
a character that was originally painted as an intelligent human
and reduces them to a level of any horror movie with a number
after it. And in the scene where Laura Dern's character forces
these guys to stay out there because she has to help a triceratops
(and they use the shock value of watching her sift through a
dump truck sized-pile of dung) but they don't show you that
the effort had any resolution or reason to be in the movie,
aside from getting them out into the park, well, its just damn
disappointing.
Anyway, I think the only reason to see this movie is:
Cool dinosaurs
- Spawn
 As
I mentioned in stark contrast with a well done movie like The
Crow. The Spawn comic was even moodier than The Crow comic, but
was toned down to market to children. Sorry folks, any way you
slice it, Spawn was from hell, don't try and make the kids dig
him, parents who are worth their salt would keep that away from
them anyway. Wait until they will when they grow up. My friend
Dave pointed out one of the most ridiculous things about that
movie, not only did this little annoying kid hang a round with
Spawn, but Spawn also had a dog! And his name was Spaz! Dave said,
"Spawn has a dog?" in the movie while we were watching it, and
it finally registered with me that the concept was atrocious,
not only because it was a blatant attempt to make the character
look more appealing, but he was dead for 5 years, and Spaz would
have most likely died or lived with Al's former wife. But instead,
the dog was homeless, looked pretty healthy, recognized Spawn
as his former owner, and wasn't mad after 5 years of abandonment.
'Nuff said.
Reason to see this movie? The special effects are quite
amazing.
- Highlander II: The Quickening
 As
much as I like some of the atmosphere and mood of parts of this
film, it only took me about 3 hours before I came to my senses
and realized that the only reason that I liked the movie was the
eternal love that I had for the original one. Michael Ironside
was really the only rather memorable character and here were times
where he was really menacing, but after thinking about it, they
completely tried to pander to the audience by explaining the origin
of the immortals. They become aliens from Planet Zeist? Please.
It was almost like it was trying to be Superman or something.
There should have been only one.
Reason to see? This movie doesn't exist. You can't see
it, so there, nyah.
- Batman & Robin
 Alternatively
"An Open letter to Joel Schumacher."
This is an especially disappointing is the performance by Jim
Carrey. He was not amusing or anything like The Riddler in any
form, but annoying. Its performances like this which makes me
understand why some people can't stand him. Jim is brilliant,
but he needs to have a good director at the helm in order to bring
out the best and discard the worst. Joel Schumacher is not that
director.
In order to save space on this page, you can put Batman Forever,
8MM, and every other movie from Joel Schumacher into this category
(except The Lost Boys, which showed a promising future for this
director). I honestly believe that he destroyed the Batman franchise
that Tim Burton brought to life out of a limp slapsticky jokey
TV show image. Joel has pretty much killed the entire idea of
Gotham City (hmm... does the word Gotham mean anything to him?
Apparently not). He changed it to a neon, prancing goon, dumb
good guy, irksome bad guy, gratuitous piece of pop-culture drivel
with less value than a two day old unrefrigerated hot dog that
has fallen on a dirty floor.
Gratuitous? Lets talk codpiece and butt shots, shall we? What
the hell Joel? Did you ever read a Batman comic in your life?
Is this about helping George Clooney get a sexiest man of the
year award or making Batman the brooding, bad mo-fo that we
all know him to be. Clooney didn't look like he had any inner
demons, instead he smiled through his lines (something that
I thought was his acting ability until I saw him in Out of Sight
and The Perfect Storm. Again, the Director's fault. I can go
on, but he just ain't worth it.
Reason to see it: I can't think of one.
|
|
