Last year, my buddy Will told me that he was snowboarding, and it seemed as if an embargo had been lifted. Chrissi and I were gong to go with Nelly and Beth, but somehow they went alone, and I never got up the gumption to look into it. Here was an opportunity to learn about a still relatively new sport (I mean Winter X Games had only existed for 4 years at that point).

After a beautiful little snowstorm in March of last year, Will and I made our way up to Blue Hills, rented the equipment for the day, and then made our way over to the bunny slopes. I had to wait about 2 hours to take a lesson, and we putted around. Unfortunately, those 2 hours were brutally painful. I fell every way you could imagine (spare the biggie, the Speaking in Tongues Wipeout, more on this later). Eventually, I had my lesson and Will went off to kill some time. I had a 15 year old hotshot who really didn't want to be teaching the beginners. And I felt a little embarassed that I couldn't seem to get the moves down.

I fell off the tow rope, I fell when I tried to turn, I fell when I stood up, I fell when I took the little conveyor belt, it was abysmal. Now, the thing is, I always considered myself to be pretty damn coordinated with good sporting skills, good balance and good decision making ability, so this was really beginning to get under my skin. After abandoning the tow rope (because of a fall halfway up), I decided to walk up the hill, and the 15 year old kid walked beside me. As we walked he glanced at my board and then said, "Hey, lemmee see that." After 5 seconds, he said, "I know what your problem is, you have no wax on the bottom of the board, go get another one."

No wax... So in other words, the painful part of learning to snowboard might have been avoided if the rental guy took a look at the board for wax. Wonderful. I told Will that I was getting pretty banged up, but I wanted to head to the top anyway.

Guess what happened? After 2 spills (in nice cushy snow), I picked up enough technique to allow me to get down the mountain wihout further incident.

Winter 2001-2
Trip #1: Wachusset Mountain
Here were the goals for this year (the ones marked with * are ones that Will deemed "insane").

• Learn to ride "Goofy" Style (one direction, with my right side leading down the hill (DONE)
• Get on and off the chairlift with 1 foot secured in the binding of the snowboard (DONE BUT STILL A PAIN IN THE BUTT)
• Frontside carve (this is turning off the toe edge of the snowboard, you usually are facing the hill when you frontside carve) (DONE AND 2ND NATURE)
• Do a frontside 180 off a jump * (NOT DONE)

Oddly enough, to complete those 3 goals, Will and I had to learn even more things than what we set out to learn. We both got new snowboards, boots and bindings this year. The snowboard is about 15 centimeters longer than the ones we used last year, they have a thing called a "setback" which means that you are not centered on the board, but a little towards the tail, and we have our front foot turned forward, which for me means that even when I try to lead with my left foot, the board swivels around and makes me go with my right foot leading (very strange feeling).

The conditions on this day were rather packed and a tad icy, but the new edges on the boards were sharp and carved very well. Will was wishing for a little softer snow because each fall that we took really jarred the body. I landed on my right cheek and knew that I was going to have a really bad bruise there (oddly enough, I didn't).

Observations: When you fall in snowboarding, 75% of the real falls are lightning quick. You are up, then you are down. There is not a lot of time that you can use to recover once a fall starts. 25% of the time, you can put a hand down, or try to get yourself balanced, or reduce the impact, but at least at this level, the majority of my wipes have been "coldcocks". I never saw it coming. At least I still haven't had a Speaking in Tongues Wipeout. More on this in a minute.

Trip #2: Wachusset Mountain
This was a day that we were looking forward to. The snow started at around 6 in the morning, and we met up there at 8. So there was a lovely 2 inches already on the mountain. The conditions were really spectacular. Will had already completed one run on the beginner area, and wanted to do one more run. I was eager to get cracking, since the end of the day on Trip #1 was very very promising. I was carving like an intermediate, and really starting to get a rhythm to my style and turns. Was today the day for goal #4, the Frontside 180? I don't know.

Let me give you a quick example, so that you know what I am talking about. There are 2 types of 180s (how the hell do you know this, you say? Well from videogames, of course. Don't ever think that you can't learn from them. I know NFL offensive and defensive schemes, soccer formations, how to drive a car better around a turn and gaining the maximum speed, and trick moves on a snowboard, by executing them on the TV). Without digressing into the 720 degree Misty tailgrab with a slobhair, let me go over the basic trick I am trying to accomplish. Let's say that you are riding with your right foot forward. A frontside 180 would be going over a jump, then turning your snowboard clockwise, so that your left foot lands forward. Your upper body prett much does nothing, but your board has turned 180 degrees. A backside 180, under the same starting point, would force you to go counter clockwise, meaning that your upper body would also turn 180 degrees and there would be a moment where you lose sight of where you are going. Comparatively, the board turns the same amount, but the upper body turns more with the backside, and it is much more difficult.

Well, I will tell you this, there weren't many places on the mountain that had jumps, without having to endure about 10 of them in a row, so I never got close to one of these. Will and I decided that we could handle the intermediate runs. We did very well. There was a point, where I thought I was going to lose Will because I picked up a lot of speed and was really carving well, when I looked to my right and saw Will catch up to me and pass me. Very solid.

The Speaking in Tongues Wipeout
Snowboarders wear helmets because their falls tend to be just that, a fall, and it is usually short and not too painful. Recently, I have learned to reduce the impact, so that is progress. I think I am the only boarder out there who also wears kneepads and wristguards, but they have really helped me in times of crisis. For snowboarders, there are usually two ways you can fall, either backwards where you normally land on your butt, or forwards, where you end up sliding down the hill. When you fall backwards, there is a small chance that you could hit your head hard, which is what I call the "Speaking in Tongues" Wipeout, because after a fall like that, even with a helmet, you feel like you have been touched by the spirit, and start muttering gibberish.

Unlike skiing, with a snowboard, your body is a aligned to the hill differently and you tend to fall directly into the mountain, so there is the potential for a good bone jarring hit. Snowboarders fall, skiiers wipeout. I will take the occasional fall anyday over the wipeouts I have had skiing. Don't get me wrong, if you go fast enough with either, you will have a spectacular crash, but I was never a speed skiier, and I am not a speedboarder either, just with skiing, it didn't matter, once I was out of control my speed increased almost instantaneously and I was going to have a big wipeout. I have two names for skiing wipeouts:

1. The "Agony of Defeat" Wipeout
2. The "Charlie Brown Pitcher's Mound" Wipeout

Obsevations: 1) The last 100 feet of a mountain should, A: Be twice as wide as the trail or B: Be less steep than the trail. The reason that I say this is that people always stop before the "last run" and it gets hellishly congested. With the added steepness and ice that forms from so many people spending so much time there, the conditions are unlike any other part of the hill. Usually I have no problem with this, but Will has told me that he finds that last part just ridiculous. I agree, too many people wipeout there because too many people just hang out there. It should be banned.

2) Skiiers are a menace. I remember back when the snowboarders started taking over the mountains and skiiers complained endlessly about how inpolite they are. Well let me tell you, I have now gotten clipped by 5 skiiers, had 2 head on collisions with out of control skiiers (which would have been worse if it wasn't for my reaction), taken 3 wipeouts to avoid skiiers, and gotten hit in the head by 7 skipoles as these idiots cruise by me (one thing worth mentioning, I was sitting down on the mountain at the time, I was motionless). The only 2 times that I had incidents with other snowboarders was one near miss, and one other one where this 6 year old pulled the sickest hockey style stop in order to miss me by 2 centimeters. After he said "sorry", I praised him for his quick recovery. I was truly impressed.

Anyway, this is quite a long page, but here are the pics.

(click on the picture for a larger version)
A frontside carve	Will	So fast, I'm a blur	Will	hanging out